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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

(*) Baaack!

I feel so humiliated and humble, small, stale and frazzled at the same time. I've deleted my last post from last night. I feel a lot better. I've been able to have some decent 1-on-1 conversations with some good friends and it's helped me stop the dizzying downward spiral somewhat. I was able to have a good long 'normal' chat with the boy's mum this morning (Monday), and I just had my head resting in my hand shaking it silently in disbelief saying, "Why can't she talk like this '*all* the time? Like a normal person?" Now I'm just in a state of shellshock as a result of my state. Please accept my most blushing apologies if I scared the crap out of anyone. In the middle of the night, I guess I felt so absolutely helplessly out of control... yes, scay stuff. I have an appt. with my doctor in a day or so, and I'll be putting myself back on the anti-depression medication again. It's all just chemical, you know... geebus!
"I am so sorry to hear you feel this way. So many people you would never suspect are hiding pain." (jacqueline - thank and bless you!!!)

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5 Comments:

On September 06, 2005 11:29 AM, Blogger caroline said...

I worried all night about you Mal. I prayed that you would not do it! I'm glad that you are going to the doctors to get some help! Your too nice of a guy to lose on this earth. If i get that sense just by reading your blog, i can only imagine what your personal friends think of ya. Take Care Mal be strong!

 
On September 06, 2005 6:59 PM, Blogger jac said...

I'm glad you are feeling more postive! So many people struggle with this (including a good friend of mine). Don't feel bad for writing about how you were feeling either. Some days are better than others; for example, I came home tonight to dog poo on the lounge carpet ;) Baking soda to the rescue!

 
On September 06, 2005 7:00 PM, Blogger Alice said...

Caroline is right Mal.

I also was worried about how you had made it through the night and then relieved to have caught up with you.

Hang in there...one foot in front of the other (and all that!)

You are loved...you have the unconditional love of your 3 wonderful boys and I know that you are important in a lot of people's lives(even from as far afield as Bolivia!!!!!).

Alice

 
On September 06, 2005 7:07 PM, Blogger Mallard said...

"Well, I was getting fairly anxious, although I figured there wasn't much I
could do from the other side of the planet. Really glad you've found the
strength to take the steps you have to take, to get the help you need. Hang
in there. I bet you'll be glad you did.
Take care
Zinnia"

 
On September 06, 2005 7:09 PM, Blogger Mallard said...

Thank you, ladies. I've had a *much* brighter day, and it looks as though I'll actually go to bed this PM side of midnight for a change (rather than the am-side!!!) It helped to write, but I'm still feeling a bit embarrased about it, but - merde alores! lol

 

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