(*) Geebus

Not going so good at the moment... suffering a bit from the effects of a minor psychotic episode I experienced last week which saw me holed-up in a motel room in a small nearby country town for the night unable to sleep and unable to stop thinking thinking thinking... not so good... I think it's time to get back on the meds again! No harm was done (physically), but I think I'm just in shock from going downhill so quickly so suddenly. It's tough, cause on one side I feel fine and reasonably happy, then there's a small part of me that sometimes borders on totally loosing it! Yes, it's scary. It's a combination of a few things, but basically the emotional shock of seperation and divorce has fucked-me-up in many ways. I'm just not the same person I used to be a few years' ago, damnit. There's a post in a blog you didn't ever expect to read, eh? Well, no-one locally reads my post nowdays I know - the gossip has stopped over the past 18-months-or-so round here. If my ex ever knew I was having days like this, I don't think she'd ever let me see the boys ever again. But - it's not like that, man - I'd never do anything to hurt or harm the boys or put them in an awkward or compromising situation.

Of all the love I have won or have lost
There is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million, my friend
I should have known she would win in the end

I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown...
(John Lennon 1964)