(*) Kidney Stones sux

Apols for the lack-of-posts these last few days, Paige... I managed to pass a kidney stone on Saturday, and I've been feeling rather 'tender' physically since then! Alls well now tho. Kidney stones - not fun. (oops... I'd forgotten I'd already spoken of this the other day in a post. Silly me. I blame the... the... loss of memory... I think...? What was I saying...?

I did end up going out to Chifley dam with my boat on Sunday. Mr Hoon and another youngster was there with their Laser and Mirror dinghy, and later another couple from Carcoar SC turned up to just hang out in the sunshine too, which was great to catch up with them etc etc. ya! I didn't end up going out for a sail on Sunday as I ujust wasn't feeling at all 'relaxed' about the funny aches and pains still wracking thru my body from time to time! heh heh. Silly body.

On Monday I ended up taking a few disabled clients out sailing in the Access dinghies - that was satisfying, but I dunno if I should have gone out. I felt like death when I got home - had an asthma attack (nb. I don't actually *have* asthma!!!), and slept 14 hours last night!!! Today I just feel a bit weary but generally OK.

Now I know what it's like not to be able to breathe... holy shit, it's not good, is it...?!?

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I don't wanna say too much, because shit I rant about on here always seem to end up in the wrong pair of ears, even tho they shouldn't...

I want to take my boys to vistit and spend a few days with my brother and wife up in cairns during the July School Holidays. Totally supervised, first time on a plane, first time to QLD, first time to see the Great barrier Reef etc etc etc.
Their mums' reaction? "No."
But she kinda changed her mind... kinda... "But the middle boy wont cope being away from home..."
So, does that mean all THREE have to miss out on this annual trip we'd already discussed and agreed it would be OK for us to do together????????????????????????????????????
<-- Two years ago
Fuck. she still shits me. you think she would have stopped her childish shit after FIVE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck it. I'm gonna take the eldest boy at least. I'm sure the youngest would have a blast too - as would the middle boy too. There's no way JD should miss out just because... aww fuck, I dont wanna talk about it...

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Monday March 12 2007
1. Do you believe in reincarnation? Nope. Who'd wanna come back as a banana?
2. Do you own any anime figures? Certainly not.
3. Are you one of the fanfic writers over at www.fanfiction.net? Well, I write some fanfic, but its got nothing to do with that site...
4. Do you review stories which are posted in www.fanfiction.net? Nope.
5. Are you looking forward to seeing the third Spider-Man film? Didn't even know there was gonna be a third one! No, not really... those psudo-comix movies are rather drab and glib IMHO...
6. Are you looking forward to seeing the Fantastic Four sequel? (same as above)
7. Do you like "Deal or No Deal"? Any gameshow is audio-visual garbage, a waste of televised time.
8. Are you a television watcher? I watch about 30 to 60 mins a day, that's about it. The news and maybe something silly, but that's about it. Most everything else is just too... nausiating!
9. Do you write letters to people? Sure do, to my brother, to mah sons.

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Monday Music Mambo
1. What's your favorite album-opening song? "I Saw Her Standing There" by The Beatles off their first LP "Please Please Me" [1963] - the song itself is a great peice of pumping r'n'r, but lyrically drab! lol
2. What's your favorite album-closing song? "A Day in the Life" from The Beatles "Sgt Pepper..." [1967]
3. What's your favorite one-two-three punch of album-opening singles? "Come Together", "Something" and "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" off The Beatles 1969 LP 'Abbey Road'.
4. How many songs do you think an album should have? That's irrelevant... a band like Pink Floyd can have like three! But a band like The Ramones could have like 20! hahahahaa

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Today I've been listening to Tommy Emmanuel's 1998 CD album "Collaboration", and also The Beatles 1969 LP album "Abbey Road".

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"Random Fives"
What are your top five...

1. ... pet peeves? Hmmm... Political parties; legal injustice; unforgiveness; discrimination; barking dogs
2. ... wishes and dreams? See my boys mature into good honest healthy men; a happy relationship; a companion; my own house; good health
3. ... significant life lessons? wow... too many to list... too many too raw and close to the bone to just 'list off' like this! That'd be a whole novel! heh heh
4. ... most cherished possessions? My Laser; my Solo; my CD player; my CD collection; my car.
5. ... favorite junk food? Hamburger; hot chips; tacos/nachos; pizza; KFC

"Can't Have It All"
If you had to choose just one, would you rather...

1. ... live in the city or in the suburbs? Suburbs. I have all my life... even here in the country this is a 'suburb' of a large town! hehheh
2. ... be a good cook or have a good cook? Be a good cook. I can take and use 'me' anywhere then.
3. ... be the Prime Minister or the King/Queen of a country? Royalty would be fine, having its own mystique about it.
4. ... be married or have a child? Have a child. If the relationship was happy and balanced, marriage isn't an issue.
5. ... be a clothing designer or a designer's model? A model! [strikes a pose]

(*) Kidney Stone - ouch!

What a fun day... awoke this morning all hyped and ready to spend the day out on the water sailing - was looking like a simply glorious sunny fine day... about half an hour after awakening, I felt the urge of nature, but nothing happened. Hmmm... Soon after a slowly-increasing pain was radiating from my lower-left side, radiating across to the back behind the kidney. It didn't take too long to figure out that I hadn't just pulled a muscled in my side somehow... this was the fourth time in about 11 years I'd experienced this kinda thing.

Sure enough, after going up to the local hospital, after assorted blood tests, x-rays and even a cat-scan, they found what I already told them I knew what was happening... a 3mm kidney stone was making its way between kidney and bladder!

"Ouch" is an understatement! Nethertheless, the norty little obstruction managed to make its way - eventually - into the bladder. Normally they just break up inside there and pass quite harmlessly. Anyways, that's what happened. Yay. I'm still pretty drugged-out and spaced-out on just a mix of assorted painkillers and anti-inflamatories etc, but I'm OK, actually.

I'm still planning on going out to the dam tomorrow with my boat... even if I don't feel well or strong enough to actually go out, Mr Hoon is bringing two of the young people from the Sailing Club and two other boats, so I'll still have someone to hang out with. Yay.

Cyalayta

Mallard d'Quackers

(*) Thought I had something

I thought I had something I wanted to say, but I guess its slipped my mind... that'd been happening a lot lately! heh heh

I know one thing that is really annoying... with my Dodo ISP crashing twice in one month, I'm not gonna renew my account with them when it falls due in a month or so. That really annoys me because - I have to change my email address! I hate having to do that! A few years ago I had a 'cjb redirection' email, but mail kept 'dissapearing' fairly regularly, so I scrapped that. I think I'll just have to revery to using my yahoo email address as my primary one. Bugger it. I really didn't want to have to do that, because I still want to use my Outlook Express on my desktop as my mail email thingy. I dunno how I can do that if I use Yahoo email instead... I'll work something out... hopefully!

Postscript Update: It seems I've got something sorted successfully, whereas from now on - forever, no matter what machine or server I use, I can use my yahoo email as my main email adress. Geebus! I wish I had known that about 4 years ago! Oh wells! I'll pass on my updated email address if you leave a comment, if you dont receive an email from me in the next few days. Thanx.

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Oh, now I remember... as I reached out my right arm to grab a glass of water... I've pulled some weird muscle in the upper-outside of my right arm somehow, supposedly sailing. No idea how it happened. i noticed it last week after sailing, and it aches and 'grabs' for about an hour or two first thing in the morning. But after a bit of a stretch it seems to be alright again. This morning it was back, after sailing two days in a row, i guess. It's nothing majorly serious, I assure you! Just a bit of a pain [boom boom, tish! heh heh].

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At the moment I'm listening to:

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Oh wow... thanks to this new software I've just discovered, I've just caught up online with an old old chat friend from Turkey, "Ece". Her son was born just when we first started chatting, and now he's five! hahahahaa. It's good to catch up. Ya, this software is called "Trillian", and it's free... you can run all your major chat systems at the same time with it! I really reccommend it.

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(*) HOORAY!!!

Looks like I've finally knocked those bloody spam posts for six at last! Huzah! Bout bloody time... those things were driving me rather potty! heh heh

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I haven't been blogging at all lately because i] of those stoopid spam posts coming out of nowhere, and ii] I've been sick again... it's catch-22... you're physical body goes down, which in turn drags ur emotional state along with it! Gagh! Slowly getting on top of it again.

Sailing season starts soon. I had planned to go out today to go and 'play' with my little dinghy, you know, take the covers off and check the rigging before I actually take it out and things like that. But - it's blowing a gale here today! I'd get blown away out beside the dam! i could just imagine boat covers and tarps going flying across paddocks! Gagh! heh heh

Tomorrow I have to unfortunately face the horrors of Sydney traffic. I've got a doctor's appointment at 9.45am on the far-side of Sydney from where I am. It's gonna take me about 4 1/2 hours to get there, thanks to peak hour traffic! Damn! Oh well. I'll have to leave here at about 4am or something! :(

I've been making a whole lot of music CD-R's lately... a lot from LimeWire, but a lot from old Vinyl LP's and cassettes I've owned for like 352 years! Here's my music collection. Last night I made myself a music CD from the DVD of Led Zeppelin Live in 1970 [which I own, btw!]... awesome playing! Glad to have it to listen to [the music, that is] whenever I want to... which isn't always that often, but anyways... I don't have much of a life these days, so music is a hugely vital part of keeping me sane lately. "And I mean that most sincerely" rofl

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"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

Noel Coward

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Week 182
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Bell :: lioness
2. Abuse :: moderators who act like 5 yo's
   
3. Relief :: Middle East
4. List :: The Book of Lists
5. Concern :: my mental state
6. Absolute :: Beginners, The Jam
7. Cling :: Wrap
8. Dump :: Raccoons
9. Terminate :: Robots
   
10. Wine :: and dine

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Yes – they are back - and at it again!!!
www.weebls-stuff.com/games/ultimate+pie+theft/

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(*) I feel awful

I am *so* ill. Seriously ill. It's like 2.30 on Tuesday morning, and I haven't been able to sleep since Sunday morning...

I had a general anesthetic on Thursday, to have day surgery, so four large pollops [growths] could be removed from my nose. No problem... went well with no dramas. I was looking forward to being able to breathe properly again, sleep on my back, not snore, get some sense of smell and taste back... one of the drawbacks was being unable to blow my nose for a week...

Well, come Friday afternoon, I come down with *the* worst case of flu I've had since July 2000! I haven't had flu much at all over the last few years, so when this one really started kicking in by Friday afernoon, I thought - oh god no...

It's now the 5th day since the flu hit with its wrath, and simply - I just haven't been able to get at all better at all! The worst part was my nose has been running like a tap... but I've been bale to blow very very softly to get some of the stuff out... the rest of it... well... diahorreah and vomiting are a result. Yeah - unpleasant stuff!

And to top it off, the ecxzema in my scalp decided that now would be a great time to kick in with a vengance also... there are three 'tiny' spots on my scalp that are *SO* freaking sore that it's just not funny! I mean - I am unable to lay down without them stinging like a knife! Gagh! And the pain relief I have is just not handling it... this being the fifth day, my own tolerance levels are just about shot... if I'm not any better in any degree by sunrise I'm off the the freaking hospital!

Well, the hot and cold sweats and chills are a bit less, and at least the vomiting and runs seem to have gone, but overall I feel bloody awful! It's the not being able to sleep is starting to wipe me out. I'm so blergh that even my teeth ache! heh heh I haven't even been able to go outside... t's been wet, cold and windy... not at all comforting, and i'm not feeling strong or confident to do any driving at the moment, let alone walk to the shops/doctor/hospital...! Come sunrise I might have to rose my housemate and ask her to drive me to the hospital! he heh What i feelI need is just some bloody strong pain relief and the ability to sleep for like 18 hours! I'm sure that would do the trick! heh heh.

Also, to top it all off, it's the first week of the school holidays, so I haven't been able to see the boys in this state... then I've also had to postpone a band audition, and miss a sailing club BBD get-together... bugger poo! Always the way... I was really looking forward to those so much too...

Ya, i know I'm sounding like one big bloody sook, but in all seriousness - I feel awful!

Wow... I'm glad I wrote that down, because after all this has passed and I'm well again, i honestly won't believe how freaking awful I was feeling there for what is now over 5 days!

(*) Smell

Wow... things just more bizarre... the latest word is that my cousin's death is being treated as suspicious by the police... possibly a murder or manslaughter! Holy shit!!! her funeral is on Tuesday, which I'll go with my brother...

From there I'll be spending a few days with an old friend who lives on the South Coast... he was the guitarist in the band I used to play in about 564,832 years ago lol. I'm really looking forward to that!

---

I finally went to see a specialist about my nose... you see, I've had sinus and nasal pollups happening there for *years* and kinda just... I dunno, put up with it... for so long... anyways, he took one look up my nose and kinda went the professional-version of 'Holy Shit!' Yeah, so now I'm awaiting to be booked in for day surgury in Lithgow Hospital to have my nasal pollups removed under a general anasthetic. I'm not worried... in fact I can't WAIT to be able to breathe again properly - and sleep laying on my back (oh sheer delight!) A funy side affect is that... he made me realise that not only has some of my sense of smell deteriorated as a result of these pollups growth thingies (which I was quite aware of) - but also a bit of my sense of taste! How bizarre! Changes are they'll come good again once the obstructions are removed - yayayayy!

(*) Dirt from his hands

Dear Paige.
What can I say? I feel like shit tonight. Even got the shits! heh heh. Walking around in the cooling night air tonite, and I sneezed... that was enough. Christ! I am literally falling apart - I'm only 41. Oh well... lots of people died long before they make it this far, I guess. Yeah, I went from a 4/1o to a 2/10 this arvo, and hit a 1/10 tonight. Life... hmmm... I just dunno what to say, do or think right now. I will do nothing tho... just rot, as usual. Forgotten, alone.

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from ?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong ?

Father Mckenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working... darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father Mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

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(*) Happiness is a warm gummy bear

Life remains great for me. Happiness is not something I've been so used to over the last four years! hahahahaa. No, seriously... things at work are positive I'm finding it easy to get back into a 'normal routine' and the work isn't hard, altho a bit of heavy lifting is making me use some muscles that haven't been used much lately. As a result of the physical activity 5 days a week, my emotional state is a whole lot better... sleeping well, eating OK, all of that. It's a nice place to be.

My brother came over for a visit for a few hours yesterday, and we just hung out together - really really positive. It's good we're at a point where we don't have to talk about M and all of that anymore, because, well, basically - it's all in the past now, isn't it? He and his wife are quite jack of the shite the boys' mum has been flinging in my direction over this year, so they're quite happy to just ignore all of that now. Me too - I'm jack of it too, and it doesn't affect me so much as it used to anymore, thank gawd. Boys ae going well, but getting to see them as ofetn as I'd like to is a bit of a hurdle at the moment. Hmmm...

There was supposed to be a sailing club meeting today - but only 2 other people showed up! Damn! The wind was great too (despite a bit of light rain) - I was keen to go out for a sail too! But - not today [sigh!] Not to worry.

Working with people with a disability is funny sometimes. One bloke who came out with me as a helper on my van run on Friday is quite physically handicapped, but has a great cheeky sense of humour all the same. While he's quite hard to understand sometimes, as I was walking out of a hotel back to the van I heard him say out loud, clear as a bell, "Get the lead out!" hahahaaa. Pretty funny. It's a nice gang of people to be working with too - they're all quite crazy, so I quite naturally fit straight in.

Thanx for all your lovely comments too - I really appreciate you taking time to stop by. Thank you!

(*) Bloomin Marvellous

I'm feeling a whole damn lot brigher now... thanx to putting myself back on a very mild anti-depressant. My GP (doctor) is a good man and asks the hard questions, and I'm comfortable enough with him to be able to answer them too. My 'black dog' is basically a simple chemical imbalance in me noggin, and it seems if I don't keep on top of it it creeps up on me and takes over... holy shite... it's fine now tho. One side affect is that it just makes me feel so tired (that always happens for the first few days... just my body/system getting used to it again), but it's fine.

Hopefully it won't be too cold to go on the Edgell Jog with JD on Sunday... it's a local community fun run, but the weather might be an issue... last year it sleeted beforehand! They're predicting storms for Saturday, so - finger's crossed. Also hoping that JD's foot will be fine... we're sure it will be. He's up and running around chasing girls again with no after affects of having his leg in plaster.

The cricket's on again... the fifth ashes test, it's the 'grand final'! Aussies are doing pretty good after the first day (it's evenly poised at the moment, I'd say), with the Aussies at 7-319. We *need* to win this game to win the series, and the ashes! Carn aussie!

Wierdness... the things people search for on the net... and somehow stumble across my blog! "enhancing sudafed "... or what about "pregnancy myth busters string" - strange stuff!

Got my last thing on eBay yesterday - my second lifejacket (now I've got one for the boys and one for myself)... perfect for sailing in my little boat... only cost me $46.50 incl. post - considering they're like $75+ new!
- the new one, which I'll wear in the boat

- this one'll be like a spare the boys can wear when they come out sailing with me, or with the sailing school they have thru the club too.

I'm still hunting around for one of these... haven't had any luck so far tho...

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I've been doing a bit of poetry doodling again too... nuttin' too serious, just experiments.

(*) Geebus

Not going so good at the moment... suffering a bit from the effects of a minor psychotic episode I experienced last week which saw me holed-up in a motel room in a small nearby country town for the night unable to sleep and unable to stop thinking thinking thinking... not so good... I think it's time to get back on the meds again! No harm was done (physically), but I think I'm just in shock from going downhill so quickly so suddenly. It's tough, cause on one side I feel fine and reasonably happy, then there's a small part of me that sometimes borders on totally loosing it! Yes, it's scary. It's a combination of a few things, but basically the emotional shock of seperation and divorce has fucked-me-up in many ways. I'm just not the same person I used to be a few years' ago, damnit. There's a post in a blog you didn't ever expect to read, eh? Well, no-one locally reads my post nowdays I know - the gossip has stopped over the past 18-months-or-so round here. If my ex ever knew I was having days like this, I don't think she'd ever let me see the boys ever again. But - it's not like that, man - I'd never do anything to hurt or harm the boys or put them in an awkward or compromising situation.

Of all the love I have won or have lost
There is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million, my friend
I should have known she would win in the end

I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown...
(John Lennon 1964)