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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

(*) Cold calling

SJ turned nine (*nine* already!!!) this month... altho I wasn't 'able' to see him on his actual birthday (apart from two phone calls), I saw him on the following weekend along with his brothers - yay! Going into Big W to get his pressie CD - Australian Idols' Shannon Noll's latest thing - I felt so silly buying something like that... now I know how my parents must have felt buying me a 'Sherbet' record at the same age for me! I think I said the same thing about the last time I bought JD a Shannon Noll CD too... it's pretty funny telling the cashier, "You know... this *isn't* for me, you know..." "Yeah, right...!" lol Anyway, we spent a few hours just hanging out beside a beautiful little waterside park at a lovely tiny rural village about 20 minutes from where they live (you know the place... 1 pub, a few houses, a stop sign...) playing all sorts of games together... SJ absolutely loved his CD - he'd said just a few days' before to his brothers', "Oooh.... I hope I get that.... I'd really like that..." How cool is that, eh? wOOt! Yah, we always have a good time just hanging out together without any agendas - it's just the best way to be. Tomorrow is Ix's 7th birthday - two birthdays within 2 weeks in our family (hee hee hee - lovin' it)... he was hanging to get a DVD copy of "The Incredibles", so I naturally obliged... again, I'm 'unable' to see my own son on his actual birthday (but I'll make some calls tomorrow, of course)... I dropped his pressie off this arvo, and fingers' crossed I'll see them all this weekend... it'll be three weeks' then since I've last physically been with them... it's getting harder with the silly season coming along with a big rush too... so many commitments for them... It still rips my heart out that in all practical reality I'm just not a daily part of their lives at the moment... not much I can do about it... I'm sure I just internalize my pain which is a main cause of my on-going annoying illnesses and stuff... oh well, that's life. The one thing that keeps me going somedays is the knowledge that I will always adore them, no matter where life places us all. And nobody nor nothing can ever change that - my passion for my sons is mine and mine alone, and for that I'm grateful.
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I managed to have a c.20-minute decent conversation with the boys' mum the other afternoon on the phone... it's not always easy to pick how she's gonna be on any given day.... it was just such a stress-relief to be able to talk to a normal rational human being for a change! lol Talking about the boys, of course... JD's going to High School next year, so we needed to go thru a few things there, among other things.
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Still on family, my mum's place hasn't been sold yet... looks like we'll have to knock the price down a little bit... it's not an issue with me, as my brother and I just want it sold, you know. It's been sitting there empty since April, so the quicker someone can move in the better. Wow... April... that's almost 8 months' ago since mum passed away... wow, time's flown... I really don't know what happened to this year... it just seemed to slip by without me noticing... it's been a pretty nothing kinda year in many ways for me, just existing... wake up, eat, potter, eat, sleep... hehehe.
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My cheeky bully goldfish Rt Rev Thoon 'Perry' Fishie VC OAM MBE turned two the other week! Two years having a goldfish as a pet, eh... that's gone by really quick when I think about that! He's going great... he bullies his corner filter now, pushing it away from the corner so that after a few days its sitting in the middle of his tank rather than the corner! lol. Gives him something else to do, I guess, apart from keeping my tax files in order... random thought... I almost forgot to lodge my tax return this year by the cut-off date (made it by 2 days)... I just simply forgot all about it, altho I had all the paperwork sitting there ready and waiting to fill in and send for like 3 months! D'oh! Anyway.... I got a nice little refund cheque this week... just in time for Xmas - yay for small mercies.
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Sailing has been an absolute blast... why would I want to be doing anything else when I'm out there?! There's been a few races where I've had a ball... my boats' not the most competitive against the other classes that race there - but I really don't care at all. I simply love it... adore being out on the water... I have a very healthy respect for the water and the elements, so sometimes I admit I get a bit of a nervous flutter in my stomach when I'm out there, but that's more of a respect for the elements and an awareness of my own limited capabilities... after all, I'm still re-learning how to sail again after like 20 years! Not that I'm going bad at it, by no means! It's going really well - I've only had one capsize in all the times I've been out so far. I knew one day I would have to capsize, so at least I could practice doing it... but when it happened so quickly, I was just blown away at how *easy* it was to get it upright again and just keep sailing away... brilliant little Wyreema, thank you! There's a good crowd of friendly people who sail there each Sunday, so it's good to feel part of something again, even if it's a small sailing club. The water levels are rising rising rising fast... in the last month we've had practically record-breaking drought-breaking rain... a couple of inches in like 3 weeks saw the dam's water level go from 17% to 25% in like 3 days! wOOt! Don't have to dodge any old trees sticking out of the shallows now! lol Actually, I've made the local paper twice with the sailing... manys' the time when I simply hoot and holler like a fool as I'm sailing along - out of pure joy - and everyone on the shore and in the other boats hear me and laugh... they even make comments about it in the sailing section of the paper! lol Manys' the time when I'm out there, wind in my hair, water splashing up off the hull, feeling the water slide past the hull beneath my feet - I just say out loud "Thank you, dad" - if it wasn't for my dad instilling into me my passion for sailing, I wouldn't be there. At moments like that I really do miss him, even after 9 1/2 years...
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I never really did fall into a deep slump after the job driving the laundry van came to an end... a slow downward slope at times, but never a big 'thud', which I'm really thankful for. I'm sitting on a 6 out of 10 at the moment... that's fine. Life is just on auto-pilot at present, and there's not a whole damn lot to motivate me to do anything lately. I don't like being like this - I'm keenly aware how my mental alertness has dropped off quite dramatically this year (maybe it's just getting older? Who knows...?), but I think a lot of that is just not having enough to keep me socially and interpersonally interactive with enough people... that's why I was mainly excited working at the laundry because that was a huge bonus for me, and I miss that one-on-one interaction and daily routine and stuff. Oh well... some people have it so lucky, eh?! lol I'm not complaining, but I feel so damn guilty just spending so much time sitting on my ass sometimes.. I go out, go cold calling, deliver CV's and make phone calls etc etc etc, but alas there's no bites... oh well... it's a terrible cyclical pattern to get into, let me tell you. Sucks the life out of you.
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Oh! I didn't mean to sound so morose, Blog Paige! I'm going pretty OK. I've been writing a few silly little stories here and there, but nothing worth being published, really. Just trying to keep my mind alert to some degree... with some limited success too... silly brain! hahahaa.
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Well, it's almost Xmas again... can you bloody believe it? Thank Ford I'm spending this season at my brothers - this'll be my first Xmas not being alone in four years... whoo hoo. Hope all your plans start coming together for you all too.... enjoy your family - celebrate them and rejoice who you are who you're with.
On This Day...
Born: John Mayall (muso, 1933); Ed Harris (actor, 1950).
Died: George Harrison 2001; Cary Grant 1986; Cardinal Thomas Wolsey 1530 (a very distant relative of mine!)
Events: The Beatles release the single "I Want to Hold Your Hand" 1963.
Useless Trivia: 1962 Academy Award for Best Picture went to "Lawrence of Arabia"
My Soundtrack: "Collective Soul" (1995) - thanx to the local library
Footwear: white cotton sox
Weather: beautiful rain rain rain

Cyalayta
Mallard d'Quackers :o)
"Excuse me, which way is the stage?" (Audience member, lost at Altamont, 1969)

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3 Comments:

On November 29, 2005 11:13 PM, Blogger Trollmama said...

Hey there Mal...

Tr and keep your chin up. I can imagine how hard it must be for you without your boys.

I'll email you a nice pick-you-up, cheery letter later, when i'm less rushed off my feet...

Until then, big hug and kiss,

Trollmamma xxx

PS I obliged with the photo request on the blog, especially for you!

 
On December 01, 2005 5:29 PM, Blogger caroline said...

I'm so happy that you are going to be with family on the holidays. No one should be alone.

things just have to get better. or at least i am praying for that.

 
On December 03, 2005 11:35 PM, Blogger gammamoma said...

Hi Mal!
Yes, I pray too that you find another job again, usually happens when you least expect it! I'm glad too that you will be with family for Christmas and that should be very good for you! Have fun and enjoy your family! Cheers to you! I know the feeling you get from sailing by yourself, invigorating isn't it!

 

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