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Friday, March 02, 2007

Statistical Primate Studies

"If you put a million monkeys in a room with a million typewriters, odds are that in an unspecified amount of time they will end up shitting on most of the paper, eating all the food in the fridge and, shortly afterwards, resorting to cannibalization. Of course the strongest monkeys will survive and end up sectioning off the room into three distinct clans called Eee-Ooh, Ooh-Ah, and Ah-Eee-Oo-Ooh.

"The Eee-Ooh clan would be a warmongering race, constantly attacking the other two clans for food and resources, whereas the Ooh-Ah clan would focus on dismantling the ceiling tiles and walls to create a monkey-proof barrier of sorts, blocking off the other two clans. The Ah-Eee-Oo-Ooh clan, as their name implies, would probably just stick to using monkey poo stained stationary to make paper airplanes and throw them at the other two clans.

"Eventually the barbaric Eee-Ooh clan would overthrow the Ah-Eee-Oo-Ooh clan’s forces, impressing the strongest warriors into their ranks while devouring the weaker of the population. The Ooh-Ah clan would eventually learn how to use the florescent lighting to start small fires in conjunction with the paper. Unfortunately this causes the water sprinklers to react in opposition, thereby destroying any chances of creating fire again, as well as taking out any ability of the Ah-Eee-Oo-Ooh clan (the small rebel faction that retained the name) to ever create fecal covered aircraft to battle the oncoming Eee-Ooh forces.

"Sadly, as the ink-stained water rises in the windowless monkey-infested room, the loose wires that the Ooh-Ah clan pulled out of the walls for electrical research earlier would contact the water, thereby electrocuting all of the monkeys with a horrible alot-of-monkies-dying-by-electrocution scream."

(Source - Dr Phile)


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